A scourge of beasts
by cornwallace
Summary: or; If there is a god, he doesn't live in Trost.


"Where's Armin? It's weird seeing you without your little boyfriend."

"He was savagely beaten to death over a loaf of bread about a week ago," Eren replies nonchalantly, looking at his nails. His fingers curled over his palm, he straightens them out and readjusts his hand to get a different angle. "You don't remember that?"

"Oh yeah," Annie says, looking out onto the river, leaning her back against the stone railing, arms crossed. "That did happen, didn't it?"

"The times they are a-changing."

"Bob Dylan?"

"Bob Dylan."

The ground rumbles as a titan kicks in a house house down the street. The residents screaming in horror as they're pinned underneath the rubble of what they've only known up until now as shelter, safety. Crushing their bones. Rendering their tiny limbs useless and agonizing. Titan picks up a chump and drops him down its throat and he cries no more. Such is life. 

* * *

**A scourge of beasts**  
or; If there is a god, he doesn't live in Trost

* * *

Sasha swoops in from the top of a nearby building, cutting her cords and comes skidding to a halt just short of our two heroes. "Sup chumps," she says, wiping the sweat off her brow. "Jeez it's hot today. This time of year is balls."

"Hey Sasha," Eren says.

"Eren was just about to take me back to my place and fist me," Annie says, not bothering to look. "You wanna join?"

"Not just now," Eren says abruptly. "I wanna watch the sunset. I'll fist you after."

"I'm too hungry for fisting. You guys up for a souvlaki?"

"Not I said the Eren," says Eren looking up into the cloudy orange sky. "Besides, I don't have the money for a souvlaki."

"She doesn't have the money for a souvlaki, Eren," Annie says flatly.

"Kee-rect! I smelled souvlaki in the mess hall earlier. Begging me to take it away from the bad cafeteria ladies. Begging me to give it a loving home!"

"One day stealing food is gonna come back to bite you in the nuggets," Eren says. "I was just telling Annie about what happened to Armin. Did you hear what happened to Armin?"

"He was savagely beaten to death over a loaf of bread," Annie says.

"Hey now. I was getting there. I'm fucking this chicken, aight? You just hold it."

"Fuck away, Eren."

"Yeah, I actually heard about that," Sasha says, folding her arms and shifting her weight to one leg, hip sticking out to the side. "That chump was walking around dark alleyways in poor town after midnight with a goddamn loaf of bread. He was begging to be savagely beaten to death, if you ask me. If I had said nuggets to bite, I still wouldn't be too worried."

"Damn, Sasha," Eren says. "That's cold, dawg."

"Cold enough to warm my bones," she replies. "Where's your sister? Did she finally stop breastfeeding you?"

"She's not my sister, her parents are dead."

"Your parents are dead." She blinks. "That means nothing to me."

"Right. Hers died first. Like a long time ago. She was about to be human trafficked when I showed up."

"D-dam. What happened?"

"I took out a couple of chumps. Shanked 'em with a chiv. Or is it chivved 'em with a shank? I can never get that straight. Either way, I sneak attacked they ass with a good and liberal stabbing and untied her. Now, the third one, he blindsided me. I had to tell her to be a man and make that chump dead with a tall order of murder. Ice on the side. My thirst for blood has yet to be quenched."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah. Besides, she's Asian."

"What's Asian?"

"Some kind of otherworldly nonsense, at this point," Annie chimes in. "You know Eren."

"Lovely," Sasha says, wiping her forehead with the back of her forearm again. "Fuck it's hot. This weather is balls."

"You said that already," Annie says.

"It's true," Eren says.

"I'll say it again!" She snaps. "It's balls! Fuck summer, dude. Annie, come get a souvlaki with me."

"I don't want a souvlaki."

"You're a fucking liar. How could you NOT want a souvlaki?"

"That just does not sound appealing to me at all right now. Go steal food by yourself."

"Eren."

"No."

"Eren."

"No."

"C'moooon. Eren."

"Eeeerrrrrreeeeeennnnn"

"Not right now."

"Eren. C'mon."

"Stop."

"Eren."

"I'm watching the sunset, dude."

"Sunset's for chumps. That happens like, every day. Souvlaki, du."

"He doesn't want your damn souvlaki so leave it."

"Annie, I can speak for myself. Sasha, I don't want your damn souvlaki so leave it."

"What the fuck is wrong with you chumps."

"I have trouble opening up to people due to the cold, calculated shell I spent my youth building around myself, causing all sorts trust issues and emotional disconnections."

"My daddy liked to take me out into the woods and give me strange injections while screaming at me."

"Sorry I asked. What are you chumps up to after the fisting?"

"I'll probably paint," Annie says stretching her arms out and hanging them on the back of her head by the hands. The shrieking of a woman's top half being torn off echoes the streets, her bottom half stuck wriggling under the foot of a titan. Watching the big feller eat makes the grumbles in Sasha's tummy go apeshit. "It's been a pretty slow Saturday."

"I might be up for a souvlaki then, if you can wait."

"Wait? By then I'll be hungry for seconds. Hit me up, dude!"

"You bet. Goddamn this sunset is pretty."

"Meh," Annie says, being a dick.

"No, it's pretty," Sasha says quietly, pausing a moment to appreciate it.

"I thought you said sunset's for chumps."

"It is," she says, "I just never said I wasn't a chump."

"Ahh."

"And I'm hungry as all fucking get out. Be safe, use lots of lube you guys. Maybe a rubber glove. Hey, you guys know if there are any STD's you can catch from a fist?"

"I have no earthly idea," Eren says, blinking. "I've never thought about it."

"Perhaps if the fist is bleeding," Annie says matter-of-factly. "Any kind of open wound would transmit. Alternatively, if you fist someone who has an STD and then immediately fist someone who doesn't, I imagine you could transmit that way."

"Wow," Sasha says. "You quick, girl."

Annie shrugs. "It's a pretty basic science."

"Aight chumps. That souvlaki is singing to an audience of me. Conductor be damned." She launches her lines, harpooning the side of a nearby building. "Pax!"  
Sasha slingshots herself up into the sky and over the building, cutting her line only to relaunch herself in the direction of the mess hall.

"What is up with Sasha and saying shit that doesn't make any kind of sense."

"She's a bad influence, Eren," she says, turning her head back to the river's reflection of the darkening sky. "You probably shouldn't associate with that kind of trash."

"You sound like my sister."

"I thought she wasn't your sister."

"Whatever," he says. "Why always fisting with you?"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean. Why do you only want me to always fist you all the time? Seems a bit onesided."

"That's kinda the point," she says, grinning slyly. "That fist is all about me. It's a nice sentiment."

Eren frowns. "Is that all this is to you?"

"Well, did you agree to fist me on the grounds that I'd fist you in return?"

"What? No, but-"

"Did I promise to fist you if you fisted me first?"

"No."

"So why do you just expect to get fisted, Eren?"

"I didn't mean-"

"You can't just walk around expecting to get fisted, Eren. That's not how life works."

He laughs and smiles a bittersweet smile. "Yeah. I don't expect anything, I was just kind of hoping that you like. Felt the same way I do? I dunno."

"I mean, look. I'm a nice person. I'll fist you back if you'd like, but you never asked."

"You're such a goob," he giggles. "You're right, tho."

"Most people in life just want you to fist them, Eren. That's the way the world works. If they gotta fist you a little to get fisted by you, they'll make sacrifices. Most people just want the fist, tho. Human nature and all."

"Isn't that a bit pessimistic?"

"Darling, you really must stop confusing pessimism with being realistic. If there's anything you taught me, it's that some people really do want to fist you just as much as they want to be fisted. It's very endearing to have learned that."

He blushes through a tight lipped smile. "Yeah."

"But most people just want to be fisted. And if you fist people blindly upon request and just hope you get fisted in return, you're looking at a hard path to walk buddy. I'd be more careful about that if I were you."

"You're right," he says. "How did you get to be so smart? You seem to know everything there is to know about fisting."

"Studies of interest, my friend. Did you bring the Goo(tm)?"

"Yeah," he says. "I brought the Goo(tm). Your place?"

"You know it. Let's get going."

"Fine, fine," Eren says, turning his back on the setting sun. "It's about dark anyway. I wonder how Sasha is doing."

Sasha is doing fine. Her feet land hard on the cement, sending the force up her legs and into her taint. It's a feeling she never fully gets used to, but she can't deny it as a guilty pleasure.  
Light masochism is a natural human trait, she thinks to herself.

Mess hall. She curiously wanders through the door with her finger to her lips, casing the joint. Party of three in the corner. Some white dude harassing the the dude at the counter. Looks like the chefs are in the back.

Perfect.

She slips over to the buffet line and sneakily stuffs a few souvlaki gyros wrapped in tinfoil into her coat. She can smell the pork – she can almost taste it. Her mouth waters.

She scans the room again quickly to see if she's been spotted. All good. She skitters out of the mess hall with an aura of delight about her. That is, until she bumps into her former drill instructor, Keith Shadis.

"SASHA BLOUSE. WHAT IN GOD'S HOLY NAME ARE YOU DOING THIS HAPPY OUTSIDE THE MESS HALL?"

"Leaving, sir!"

"YOU DID ALWAYS LOVE EATING. WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?"

"E-Eren's, sir!"

"JAGER. THAT CHUMP. WHAT IN THE DICKENS DO YOU WANT WITH A MAGGOT LIKE THAT?"

"He's my friend, sir! I was hoping to share a souvlaki when he gets done fisting his friend!"

"SOUNDS LIKE A FINE ENDEAVOR. DID YOU PAY FOR THAT SOUVLAKI?"

"No sir!"

"ARE YOU INFERRING THAT YOU EASILY SLIPPED INTO THE MESS HALL AND NABBED MORE THAN ONE SOUVLAKI WITHOUT ANYBODY NOTICING?"

"Sir yes sir!"

"SO SECURITY IS DOWN THEN?"

"Last I checked sir!"

"GOOD. THANKS FOR THE TIPOFF. CARRY ON SOLDIER."

"Sir yes sir!" She salutes by throwing her left arm around her back and her right fist accidentally but unforgivably against the souvlaki in the left inner pocket of her coat. There's probably that whitesauce everywhere. That whitesauce that makes a souvlaki a souvlaki.  
Part of her hopes she didn't make too bad a mess of her coat and shirt, but most of her worries she's ruined a souvlaki gyro.

She stops to wonder, just for a second, how Eren and Annie might be doing.

Annie and Eren are in an awkward situation. He's using both of his hands pressing each side of the tubular bottle that's leaking warm Goo(tm) down her enticing jam, quivering in anticipation.

"Remember to funnel your hand," she says.

"I know," he says. He's done this before. This time is no different. "How much of this goddamn Goo(tm) do I use?"

"You'll need to use the whole bottle, I imagine."

"Ah."

"Be sure to use it liberally on your fist," she says.

"Right." He stops squeezing with both hands and shifts ownership of the bottle over to his lift hand. He clenches his right into a fist and starts squeezing.  
Seconds later he's funneling his hand into Annie's juicy cave of warmth. He moves slowly, like a snake tracking prey in the deep jungle or wherever they track prey most predominantly. Before he knows it, lost in his own thoughts as he his, he pushes a bit harder for to have her jam slip around his pinky knuckle.

"Almost over the hump," he says.

"What?"

"No worries," he says, "just relax. Almost over the hump."

Outside the door, Sasha approaches, knocking sporadically. "Hey chumps. You done in there or what?"

"FUCK OFF!" both of their muffled voices simultaneously convey through the thick wooden door.

"Whatever," Sasha says, leaning her back on the bricks of the house aside the door. She digs in her pocket for a warm souvlaki. Not the one that's been crushed. He can eat that one, she thinks to herself as she tears apart the tinfoil and takes a bite hungrily into the souvlaki. Her teeth tearing through chunks of delicious pork. The satisfying lettuce crunch. Tomatoes and fries dis-positioning themselvesn as they're severed from themselves. The crunch, my god the crunch. Sasha is in heaven. "Mmmmm."

Inside things are heating up. They're over the hump and he's wrist deep in action. All kinds of the action. Unfortunately for the both of them Eren doesn't notice a fire ant crawling up his shoe, along his sock and up his calf.

There's a sudden tinge of the color pain creeps of his leg and the transformation begins.

The trance of the crunch is a deep one indeed, but the roaring of the beast, and the growth of its body crashing through the roof almost causes Sasha to drop her souvlaki. She swallows her food quietly and scoots quietly away from the house while the titan Eren takes this time to lick his bloody fist clean.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Eren says as he rips off the skull of another titan and teabags his body. It basically happens in an instant.

Beyond that, Erentitan walks through the streets, mindlessly shambling until he finds a wall to kick down. There's not much beyond that he remembers.

He remembers kicking in a wall. He remembers falling down. He's in the woods, and suddenly, as far as he knows, he's naked.  
He shrieks and tries to cover himself up with leaves. Once he sees the futility of it, his body goes limp.

Naked and alone, he finds himself cuddling the upper half of a resident scout. He unwraps the canteen from around his body and falls back onto his back. The cool ground generating a nice, balanced sensation against his back.

He clenches his fist and licks it again. He feels a feeling he doesn't understand.

Eren cries again but he doesn't know why. 


End file.
